


Blur And Fade

by GalekhXigisi



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Abandoned Work - Unfinished and Discontinued, Forced Abortion, M/M, Minor Dr. Emile Picani/Sleep | Remy Sanders, Miscarriage, Multi, Past Abortion, Past Forced Abortion, Trans Anxiety | Virgil Sanders, Trans Male Anxiety | Virgil Sanders
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-21
Updated: 2019-06-21
Packaged: 2020-05-15 17:41:08
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 985
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19300585
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GalekhXigisi/pseuds/GalekhXigisi
Summary: Virgil lost the baby... Now, he has to tell his lovers about it, no matter how painful it is. Of course, they're there to pick up the pieces, thankfully.





	Blur And Fade

Virgil lays on the bed, deathly silent as he stares at the wall. This isn’t exactly the most uncommon thing, no, but this is fucking  _ different. _ He doesn’t ever stare so blankly, face wiped of emotions, tears making his eyes glint and shine in the nothingness of the room. He’s washed in orange-yellow light, basking in it like a snake. Except… He’s not basking in the light, is he? He’s just staring at the wall/ Hs chest feels tight against the nothing that is his current state. 

 

The door flies open, Patton smiling widely. The others are still knowingly out, still at work or doing whatever the Hell it is they do. Virgil can’t find it in him to care at the moment. He just barely hears Patton speaking through the fuzz in his mind. “Hey, Babe.” 

 

“Hey, Pat,” he mumbles quietly. It’s short, but it misses the typically sweet tone that always accompanied it. It feels like cotton in Virgil’s mouth 

 

“You alright?”

 

“Don’t feel great,” he supplies, knowing it’s muffled from the pillow stuffed in his face. His vaguely remembers that the others will be home soon. Logan was usually the first home, but he had already texted Virgil that he’d be late thanks to taking responsibility of the students stuck with detention today. That means he would be back after Damien, who usually got home just after Patton. Roman would be the last to get home, like always, usually coming in at six or occasionally later. 

 

Patton’s smile seems to falter for a moment. “Well, I got that raise that I was talking about the other day. Mister Curtis said he was super excited about the announcement.” 

 

Virgil flinches at the mention of  _ The Announcement. _ It’s not hard enough for Patton to notice, thankfully. However, he does supply a somber, “It’s pointless.” 

 

“What, Love,” he asks with a raised brow. 

 

The other’s worry makes his stomach churn bitterly, tears falling as he squeezes his eyes shut. Patton sits beside him on the bed, hand hovering, questioning silently if it’s alright to touch. Virgil sniffles, not moving to wipe his eyes as they open. “I lost the baby,” he whimpers, voice broken. He has a few bitter quips about how the others must be so damn fine about that. They weren’t exactly for Virgil’s announcement that he was going to be keeping the child. He couldn’t blame them for it, either. Virgil knew the risks. He knew having a child could kill him. He knew that he was much more likely to lose the baby than he was to have them. He played Fate’s game, anyway, and ended up getting the shit end of the stick anyway. 

 

“I got a clot and it cut off the flow to the baby,” he whimpers, choking down a sob. He just barely keeps from breaking. 

 

Patton’s eyes are wide. He stays silent for a moment, though, lips pulled tight together and tears seemingly welling up in his eyes. He wasn’t sure how this worked out. He didn’t know the physics for having a child. Hell, Logan would be better for that sort of thing. He had a doctorate, not the fatherly boyfriend. 

 

He opens his arms, inviting the other for a hug. Virgil doesn’t dare refuse it, slipping into the others’ safe hold with tears falling thickly. He can’t help the jarring sobs that leave him aching so severely. He had been  _ excited _ about this child. After watching his very first miscarriage  _ (one of now three, and counting), _ he had been more than a little iffy about having a child. After his second, he was absolutely certain that he didn’t want a child  _ (nor a relationship ever again). _ But… After babysitting his niece and soon discovering his accidental pregnancy, he was practically ecstatic. 

 

The others didn’t hate the idea of having a baby, no. They loved it, really. They had already agreed that they wanted at least one child together. But Virgil wasn’t  _ fitted _ to have a child. This time, it brings such a deep ache inside his chest that he wants to vomit. He remembered his first pregnancy. He had been with Damien then. The two had been together for a year before the pregnancy broke them up. Two months later, stressed caused the miscarriage that progressively broke the only-sixteen-year-old. 

 

The second pregnancy had been with a man who valued profit and sex over anything else. Virgil hadn’t even really noticed it until he sat on the ground, sobbing harshly as blood pooled beneath him. He called his father, breaking down in sobs as he explained the situation through broken words and choked cries. He explained the fingerprints now embedded on his arms and the bruises covering his stomach. He had to explain the broken pelvis in the hospital. He distinctly remembered a teary-eyed nurse sobbing,  _ “Why would someone kill a baby like that? There was only a month left! And their pelvis needs to be reconstructed!” _

 

Virgil couldn’t call his father now. The older man had passed. So, he settles for the next best thing, clinging to Patton like his life depends on it. Patton sits silently, running his fingers through the youngers’ hair and pressing kisses to his cheeks. There aren’t any  _ it’s okay _ s or _ you’ll be alright _ s. It’s pure sobbing, each one broken and wracking his body. They’re violent and rip through him like a tigers’ claws, leaving nothing but shreds. 

 

Patton wants to ask what they’re going to do, what’s going to happen, and so on, but now isn’t the time. He’s read up on miscarriages before. He isn’t sure if Virgil took the dilatation and curettage route or simply waiting it out. Both were possible now. For now, he just needs to be there for Virgil, to hold him close and let the other cry. Lord knows the next few days are going to be hard on him. 

**Author's Note:**

> Please join my Discord server!  
> https://discord.gg/eGkwayy
> 
>  


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